Divorce is a complex thing. It’s not difficult because the laws are arcane or difficult to understand. In fact, in most instances, Florida divorce laws are pretty straightforward. Divorce is complex because it involves human beings at a difficult point in their lives. Even if you wanted a divorce, experiencing the consequences are no fun for anybody. I think that’s because divorce is ultimately failure. It may not be your fault or anyone person’s fault for that matter. But the fact is divorce happens because the relationship failed. That can be tough to deal with emotionally. Since divorce is difficult enough without piling on other factors, here are 7 things you will want to avoid during a divorce proceeding:
1)Don’t make life changing decisions-it’s tempting to chart a new course or get into a new relationship but this just isn’t a good time to make such a decision. Time has a way of making things clearer.
2)Don’t avoid seeking help-talkto a professional. Seek out a family therapist, a trust clergy person, or someone else who has the wisdom and the perspective to help you through this difficult time. I’ve found men have a difficult time admitting that they need help and an even more difficult time admitting that they should talk about the situation. Keeping your feelings bottled up inside is dangerous both emotionally and physically. I’ve known of people who have become physically ill because of their refusal to deal with an issue such as divorce.
3)Don’t get romantically involved-at least not right away. Just like #1, it is important to take the time to heal the emotional wounds caused by a divorce, however amicable that divorce may be. This is a time for healing and growth.
4)Don’t avoid it-some married couples will procrastinate and put off an inevitable divorce for the sake of the kids or because the holidays are coming up. Difficult decisions should be made hastily but they also shouldn’t be avoided. If you have decided (after serious reflection) that a divorce is necessary, move forward.
5)Don’t make assumptions-it’s easy to think about a million different scenarios when you’ve decided to divorce. Deal only in reality and don’t waste time with the “what ifs” which cause anxiety, stress, and may cause you to react inappropriately in certain situations.
6)Don’t be unreasonable-this is a huge mistake many people make especially if they are hurt or depressed by the divorce. Their desire for revenge can lead to unreasonable demands on your soon-to-be ex-spouse and your children. This is a good issue to bring up with your therapist.
7)Don’t avoid discussions about finances-divorce affects every aspect of your life, especially finances. Make sure to discuss with your wife, if possible, but most certainly, with your attorney, all of your finances including assets, liabilities, insurance policies, wills and trusts.
This list of “don’ts” isn’t meant to be exhaustive but these are the most common relational issues I’ve experienced in my many years as a divorce lawyer. If you’ve made the decision to divorce, give me a call so that we can discuss your particular circumstances.